Depression

I always have felt weird talking about depression. It's one of those things where you never know if someone is legitimately depressed or if it's something like "I can't go to the My Chemical Romance concert I'm so depressed!" Then there's the people who post on blogs how darn depressed they are but that they never tell anyone and don't even try talking to them about it but you can read all about it in the posts they make. Or you get the people who say "You don't have depression you just want attention." We don't have the right to judge others, but that last response is what people get when they say they have depression.

Enoby Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way: Depressed or just playing the part of goth?

Now, do I have depression? I don't know, I've never been diagnosed, but there are days when it feels that way. At least, I think that feeling is depression. It's definitely not happy. When I started reading "The Anger of Hope and the Anger of Despair" by Dana Jack, I kept thinking "Oh yeah right like anger causes depression LOL." But actually, the more I read, the more it made sense. Sure, there were still parts I disagreed with, but the general idea is probably right on (for me, anyway).

So, let's talk about the parts I disagreed with. The thing about women's anger being triggered by close relationships and men are triggered by strangers. Women describing their anger in relational terms and the interpersonal effects the anger has vs. men's anger being more impersonal and self-focused. To me that just sounds like it is embracing the stereotype that women are supposed to be more concerned about others and be nurturing and loving and caring and all that shit but men can think about themselves. What if the things that make me mad have nothing to do with relationships I am in? Does that mean I'm not a woman? Whoops looks like I'm actually a man sorry guys.

For the record, these things make me mad: my future (as in, will I have a job that will let me have a horse), people who drive like idiots, Mitt Romney AND Barack Obama. Tell me how that has to do with relationships? 

Unless we are talking about this relationship...

Now for the ideas that I agreed with, and are actually relevant to my life. Anger as a cause of depression. I totally brushed that idea off at first and thought the author was crazy. Then I realized that I am an angry person. About a lot of other things that we don't need to get in to here. Then, I don't talk about it much. Sometimes there isn't anything I can do to change the situation that makes me angry, so again, have to keep it inside. The reading got a bit more technical than I am going to get here, but basically women keep their anger inside because of things like societal pressure saying women aren't allowed to be angry and they are worried about what would happen to relationships and shit if they got mad. For me, I feel like I can't talk about how angry I am to anyone because it could get brushed off as not a big deal or they will make me get happy pills to fix it. I don't know what someone's reaction will be. I can't say I'm worried about how talking will affect my relationship with the person, it's more like I am worried about all the potential reactions like people saying "Oh you just want attention there are starving children in Africa." I'm even having a hard time describing why I don't want to talk. Ok then.

Sometimes I really do just feel like letting the anger out by throwing stuff, yelling, or hitting someone and actually ripping their face off. Those are probably things that even a dude would be locked up for, but since we are women, doing that is definitely a no-no. Maybe if there was an easy way to express anger there would be less depression. Or at least have it less severe. Just a thought. 

To end today's blog post, I thought I would post a clip that demonstrates the woman not talking because she does not want to ruin the relationship. And because Scrubs is my favorite.